Parish Nurse Notes May 2010      Let’s face it:  Being a good listener is not as easy as it sounds.  We’ve all drifted off into our own thoughts when we’re supposed to be paying attention to what someone else is saying.  Maybe it’s because the subject matter is boring or the person is speaking in a monotone; maybe you’re distracted by some personal matter that worries you.  Whatever it is, these tips can help improve our listening skills:   Listen more than you talk. Stay focused on what the other person is saying-not on what you’re going to say next.  Don’t plan a story you want to tell while the person is still talking. Never finish another person’s sentences. Resist the urge to dominate the conversation. (Review tip No. 1) Give appropriate feedback, but don’t interrupt. Occasionally mirror back short summations of what the other person is saying to keep your mind from moving on to other subjects and to assure the other person you’ve understood what they have been saying. Look the other person in the eye as they talk, to show that you’re interested.     When I was in Nurse’s Training, one of my instructors used to tell us that if you give just 10 minutes of interested, uninterrupted listening, you’ll find out all you need to know.  Sometimes silence talks to us also.  Silence lets the other person know that you are available and willing to listen when they are ready to share.  Just being there, truly being present can build trust so that when the time comes to be a supportive listener, one that defers judgment and actively listens, is accomplished.  Asking a leading question then waiting for the response is another art in listening. Watching body language, both theirs and yours is also important as non-verbal cues often speak loudest. Remember that thoughts move about 4 times as fast as speech so patience is required.  Basically we need to treat the other person as you would want to be treated.  God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason. Proverbs 16: 23   A wise man’s heart guides his mouth……                                                                                          Love & Peace,   Phyllis